That's a long ass title right there.
A friend of mine let me know this last week that, surprisingly, at some point in time a second mortal kombat movie had been made.
Let us remember the first one's ending, it ends pretty much with a cliffhanger letting us know that the earth realm's fighters fight is about to begin, because there's another big bad evil out there.
I have a bad case of liver failure, I've come for your medicine.
That is Shao-motherfuckin'-khan, most badass, and ultimately one of the most cheap bosses in the whole mortal kombat franchise(That shoulder bash was unblockable and killed you in 2 hits, how broken is that?).
The start of MK:A is a great one, I will let you bask in all of its special effects straight out of the filter option of photoshop.
That's right, it took this movie about 5 minutes from the ending of the previous movie to kill one of the main characters, none other than the lovable Johnny Cage, the same guy who killed Goro just because he broke an expensive pair of sunglasses got his neck snapped like he was a chicken in a countryside farm.
You know this movie means serious business when they get rid of all that pesky "sanity" and "coherence", and start raping all you have ever hold dear in your childhood filled with over the top violent games.
You will see this is not the only instance in this movie where the director gives absolutely zero fucks about any remembrance and memories you might have about mortal kombat and instead chooses to transport you into a world filled with black monsters who feed upon your precious tears while gnawing, devouring your dearest memories to transform them into their own life force.
The movie also makes an appeal to stop violence by having interpretative capoeira duels instead of characters ripping the opponents innards off, as shown in the following video.
Another notable mention is that Raiden got a haircut, for no other reason than because having long hair went out of style with the elder gods 3 eons ago.
Aside the many, many spectacular fights in this movie, featuring no other ones than sub-zero versus scorpion, lui-kang against baraka and many more, the final fight is one sight to see, because it includes a multiple-way fight.
In the first part of this video(Click there for link) we are met with each character picking their fight with the witty banter you'd expect from a spiderman comic in the 60's, Jaxx, who had to immediately trash talk the brother of motaro who is into 1930's gang fashion gets his ass kicked with two mere tail swipes, Ermac is absolutely terrible at fighting, I don't even know how he made it into the final battle being that his signature move apparently is "hugging my opponent's legs and hoping he falls and scratches his/her delicate skin while I get my head kicked in", after his move he proceeds to... shoot viscous liquid out of himself and create another fighter?...
I mean really, mortal kombat? that's pretty much symbolism for ermac having a fetish for getting his ass kicked and literally coming mid-fight.
Another lovely detail is that Shao Kahn, being the cheap bastard he is, is kicking Lui Kang's ass so hard he takes time to cheer Motaro.
Also I don't know if any of you noticed, but can we give Jaxx's metal arms the prize for most useless weapon ever? he was pretty much getting his behind handed back to him prior to removing them, what's the point of having all that shiny metal covering your arms then, fancy boy? fashion sense? giving a handicap in your fights? are you so sure of your own skill that you choose to give a handicap in a world where all fights end up with the loser being dismembered in the most grotesquely hilarious way?
Now onto part two (click here for link), Shao Kahn makes a fatal, ultimate mistake.
He tells an Asian he will fail, thus awakening bad memories of tight, exigent fathers with school marks and thus his inner dragon self.
This is also the moment where this movie just throws away any sign of coherence, logic, sanity and sobriety and it turns into a full fledged shitty animated monster fight with movement so bad it would make a dancing arthritic grandpa seem like a break dance master.
The faces of the actors no doubt are their real expression when the director asked them to react to the sheer lunacy presented in the preview scene to this fight, however at some point this movie regains composure (that fight scene was ridiculous even by their standards, but they were too cheap to scrap it apparently) just to lose it 20 seconds after including the entrance of a triad of wizards into the scene that have absolutely nothing to do with mortal kombat and more to do with harry potter.
Finally lui kang is forced to kick Shao Kahn's ass so hard he looks completely out of self (good acting or the actor showed up completely high on hallucinogens and was shown the hydra-worm versus dragon fight scene just to make him start tripping balls right in the studio) and at last, the nightmare is over, not before the now defeated corpse of shao kahn's actor morphs into a dragon-beast and has his latch ditch effort to steal your mind thwarted by whoever wasn't a complete nut in the studio.
Or was it?
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