Possible guilty pleasures for the filthy rich.

Imagine you lived in a world where your every expense is paid, you won't have to worry about money, ever again, 10 generations from now, your great grand grand grand son will still be living a life of extreme luxury.

Now take a moment to think, you will most likely live to a century old (if not more, given how amazingly fast medical science is progressing) and will be somewhat active for a big part of that life, at some moment you will have banged every desirable woman, snorted cocaine out of every porn star's ass and indulged on items (drugs) that any commoner couldn't possibly get their hands on if they saved and sacrificed their whole life for that goal (lots of drugs).

Now, there's a moment in which you will be craving for more, like a junky that needs a decadent luxury fix, or a fat guy who needs his daily chocolate bar, that eccentric, ridiculous and expensive chocolate bar.

1. Meals prepared with endangered species.

Nothing says tasty like meat from an endangered species, you shouldn't look just for any endangered animal however, you may first think of tigers, but tigers have already been done vastly by mister Charlie Sheen and he might become extremely aggressive (towards you) if you dare put your filthy manicured hands on his tiger blood supply, and it is public knowledge cocaine grants the man wizard-like powers.

And the first rule our father taught us while under the influence of some of the most potent hallucinogens known to man is, you never, ever, mess with a wizard, they will fuck your shit up.

No, you need something better, something that has not yet been done and if possible tingles your God complex and liking for ironic punishment.

Thus I present you, the panda bear:

        It looks a bit like a pig, and it is just as delicious.

You will be ironically punishing the shame of the bear family by eating the little babies science has worked so hard convincing those pussified creatures to create, laying science's and panda's efforts to waste with ease, and showing them continuation of biodiversity lies solely in which species your digestive tract does not desire.

Also a little secret, between you and me, extinction is the best dressing.

2. Space Pirating.

What could possibly be better than illegally taking what should be rightfully yours?
Doing it by force of course!

Deep in the vastness of space, a group of mercenaries awaits your command as long as the pay is right, you may live your fantasies of being Captain Jack Sparrow with your crew newly bought ,acquired, hired bloodthirsty mercenaries that will do your bidding.

Of course no tale of pirating is complete without sweet, sweet revenge on those who have wronged you, teach Ted and his bitch of a wife Clara a lesson that only the sharp cold edge of steel can teach, he will instantly regret that time he called you "asshole junkie who has to have shitty music roaring at 4am" and called the cops on you.

3. Hallucinating Colosseum Death match.

After your meal and touring with your newly acquinted friends, you may want to settle for a spectacle worthy of your (and your friends) filthy rich eyes.

Of course I doubt many people are willing to fight to the death in a Colosseum for little to no pay (you didn't get rich by paying for everything), so you will have to get them in the mood with hallucinogen dosages so high they think they've become a time travelling stoner dinosaur.

The only downside to this is that your fighters might get overly baked and just start shouting incoherences and obscenities at you and your prized spectators, but it is not like being near to an angry, under the influence person who carries multiple bludgeoning and slashing weapons is dangerous if they're inside a cage, it's not like they have firearms...

Actually...

Shit, shit shit shit!, they did have firearms, was it your idea Jamal? why the hell would you give them firearms? they're completely baked, one of them was shouting that he never had a cake resist being eaten before while chewing on the face of the other fighter.

Shit! they've gone out of the cage, the whole place is going to be a mess, how am I going to explain this to my wife? I just wanted some luxury on my life, not to transform my ten million mansion into a war zone.

OK, chill, calm down, there has to be a way to fix this, who could possibly want to fight a crazed enraged prisoner of war high on every kind psychoactive plant for almost no pay? after those maniacs ravaged the place in their fighting all we have left is five bottles of cheap liquor.

A bum? you can't be... wait that's genius, they'd do anything for cheap liquor, even risk their life if given enough of it.

4. Train a street bum to cage fight and start an underground betting tournament Ong Bak style.

Yes, definitely, nothing like a partially demented hobo in a cheap-alcohol induced battle trance to fight a completely demented stoner with firearms.

Yes! kick his ass! I will call you Homeless Jaa and we'll film Hobo with a shotgun II : Kung fu edition.

Hold on, why are they talking as if they're best buddies? are you guys seriously gonna share your liquor? what do you mean with "that rich white guy sure looks like he'd give us more if we put two caps in...".

Oh shit, shit.

It would seem your idea backfired, you're on your own here buddy 

Wait you cannot leave me like this? I'm going to be some sort of hobo-hooker that dispenses thunderbird and cheap wine!

Yes, that's why I'm working on my next guide, "Which drinks to dispense to the friendly hobo who has taken you hostage and yells the little guy in the pink ballerina should serve him wine with a sponge massage on the back alley".

 The guy with the pink... oh damn you, I hate you so much.

Disclaimer : This article is written for comedic purposes, please, do not eat a panda.

Picture of the Week : The Last Supper

The only case in which the murderer got eaten by the victims.

Forum Post : Unexpected downtime.

I think everyone who sees this blog (Hi there! I tought you'd never show up, finally a soul here) knows I game a bit.

Maybe a bit too much at times, either that or procrastinate on the computer while I write inane, annoying, silly things.

Also I do not take downtime of my "games" lightly (I quote games because I mainly do MMORPGs, they're like a drug, closest equivalent is probably meth, or bath salts).

Thus I take a stroll on their forums to do what I don't do when I'm gaming or having a life, write.

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Dear Webzen.

Cereal boxes are not the proper way to get servers.

I get there's some sort of recession going on, we're all hit by it more or less and I understand you need to cut corners.

The problem is that either you grossly misunderstand what a corner means, thinking your service is composed entirely of "corners", or you're being dirty cheap.

Instead of wasting ours, and everyone's time having employees whose function is to reply in an alien-esque fashion (only aliens would have such a gross misunderstanding of how a human communicates, your cheeriness is not something people do, unless they're 12 year old girls high on dopamine or ecstasy, I understand most of your alien education comes from holywood movies, but this is not how humans behave), get some better servers, or ISP, or whatever you need for a proper service.

Be sincere with me, are you housing your servers in the nearest ditch to your house/office? did you hire a discount ISP plan? did you get your white hat technicians off a craiglist ad which promised leather clad engineers with sysadmin knowledge?

Please don't let your fetishes get in the way to work, I don't mind if all your employees have a strict dress code of gagballs and crotchless leather pants so long your servers work fine, but they do not.

Also I understand the hilarity of dressing an ape with engineer clothes and letting it run around the office, but having a fancy yellow hat and overall doesn't make him qualified to handle a server, if you will, please have the ape and a real engineer.

Why did you go full release if we're going to have server problems (I'm not sure about European servers, but the US one sure has them) multiple times a week? you cannot even use the "It's a beta!" excuse anymore, were you in a hurry to get some quick bucks with the cash shop?

Yes I know, we have compensation, I honestly rather have the servers functioning correctly than a juicy compensation every time it has a problem.

This is where some people coudn't resist replying in the classy manner that delights us all who waste our precious life on the internet, under the guise of the ferocious asshat.

Original Post by Misaeell (7/22/2012)

Server crashes a couple of times and you have retards complaining over something which will never be perfect.
Go ***** yourself, if you think it's so easy to host the ***** game do it yourself, if you can't do anything to help it then shut the ***** up.

Yes, he actually wrote it all underlined and bolded, he wanted to make his rage clear, my reply as it follows was :

My fellow gaming brother, you sure are angry.

Please do not let the fact you cannot game at this moment cloud your reasoning and reduce you to a blob of frothing red-faced madness that flings excreement and obscenities at anything that moves.

I completely understand your frustration with the matter at hand and earnestly wish it to end myself, however attacking your fellow forum denizens is not the way to vent out your frustrations.

As much as you want to behave like a rabid sack of raccoons, this is not the place for such behaviour, for we are discussing serious matters, I suggest you vent your rage by pillaging your neighboors trash bins while shrieking the following : "SHUG NIGURATH HAS TAKEN ME IN THE EMBRACE OF MADNESS, THE DARKNESS IS COMING TO DEVOUR US, ALL WILL BE FUEL AMIGO, ALL WILL BE FUEL", it is an activity I partake into when I feel anger overcoming and overwhelming me and it is liberating.

There was also this person who tought it would be a good idea to post acronyms and accusing everyone of crying (not realizing the only one whining is himself).

Original Post by Onedaymaybe (7/22/2012)

Cry lol.

Took and wrote all this because of server issue LMAO!

Yes, saying "lol" or a variation of it on every sentence you type sure makes you sound smart and 
educated.

Original Post by Onedaymaybe (7/22/2012)

I have other things to do and do not flip my lid because of this.

And rage because of a malfunction.

But do whatever the *&^% you wanna do.

Yet you're flipping your lid because of a forum post, that is also a joke.

And raging because your sense of humour is malfunctioning, perhaps you should learn to live with the fact that after you witnessed an oompa loompa stripper power-raping a guy with a willy wonka costume you will never be able to laugh again because you're dead inside

Original Post by Onedaymaybe (7/22/2012) 

K i leave you all to keep sniffling and whining.

Good day

"K", buddy, we'll miss your tears about how you don't like other people posting on your

 precious little forums. 

My response :


In any case, you seem to be the one whose response to anything has to be trying to appear tough when in fact you're a broken shell of a man who needs validation from others to justify the awesomeness you feel 
your mediocer self deserves, in fact, you seem to blatantly project your issues on others, which only 
leaves your apparent insecurities exposed for all to see and woe themselves with your dull-headedness.

One day maybe, someone will pay attention to you in a manner that is not to humilliate you and 
marvel in your sheer rampaging lack of wit, one day maybe indeed.

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The servers came back shortly after and no further posting has been made on the thread as 
of the time of posting this, I guess killing another horde of generic monsters beats any sense of 
trying to clumsily communicate for your average RPG player.
Let this be a lesson in how to handle forum posting, flinging shit at everyone and 
using as many memes and lol-speak as possible will only get you the scorn of others.



Edited : For formatting issues with the blog, copy pasting is no good.


Edit Nº2 : As of 26/07/2012 5:46 AM the thread has been deleted from the forums.

Picture of the Week.

Beast Wars - The Movie, soon coming to a farm near you.

Consume.

My lack of proper activities is consuming my willingness to put any sort of creative power into motion, fuck if I know, but I haven't felt like writing anything that isn't a rant.

Then again, this blog is called the ranting ranch, so I might aswell.

But not before I hook you up with the all new, all shining facebook fan page I've created solely for you, my lovelies who never leave a single comment because you absolutely, totally despise my ass and think indifference will finally kill me (it won't).

So, yes, I want you to like it, and if possible, say stuff on it, it's probably something that'll keep me closer to whomever actually reads what I post here, even if it's just one, two, ten, or a million people.

Here be facebook site.

Someone told me google translate was cruise control for funny.

So I translated my Mortal Kombat article into chinese, back into english from the chinese translation, back and forth many times.

The result? Johny cage kills a chicken farmer with sunglasses, it is now discovered schools in asia have emergency dragons for blackouts, and many more gems.

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This is a long-ass title.
A friend of mine told me last week, surprising is the second Mortal Kombat movie in some time.
First of all, let us remember, was almost over, let us know, the Earth is about to begin the exciting soldiers on the battlefield, because there is another big bad evil.

                                      I have a bad case of liver failure, I came to your medication.
Shao fuck "Khan, the most badass, Mortal Kombat, the cheapest boss in the entire franchise (the bash on the shoulder, and killed two, how to break you?)
MK: one is a great, I will let yourself immersed in all of the Photoshop filter effects options.

This is correct, it is one of the need to kill about five minutes of film before the end of the movie's protagonist, Johnny Cage is a lovely, who killed Goro is not only none other, because he broke his neck. The guy wearing the same sunglasses, a pair of expensive bad, he is a chicken farm in a village.

Do you know the movie refers to the serious business when they get rid of the annoying "reason" and "consistency", and began to rape you always cherish your childhood is full of violent video games at the top.
You will see, this is not in the film, the director, to commemorate and recall the only instance, you may have an absolute barrier to engage in Mortal Kombat, but transported to the world is full of black monster, you are precious tears feed Nie, swallow the dearest memories of his own life force.

Also called for the cessation of violence Capoeira explain duel movie, rather than characters, tearing the opponent's internal organs, as shown in the video below.

Another noteworthy mention is that the lightning Barber, for no other reason, because long hair God millions of years ago.
Below zero, than the scorpion, 吕康巴拉卡 and more people a lot, a lot of the film's spectacular battle, the final fight is a sight to see, no other characteristics, because it contains more than struggle.

Pick up the witty banter of the struggle in the first part of this video (click link), encounter each character, you would expect from the 1960s, Jaxx Spider-Man comic, immediately sick the brothers motaro get his ass kicked two tail swipes gang fashion 1930, Ermac is absolutely horrible to play, I do not know how he did his signature move is clearly a "hug my opponent's legs and the final fight, I I hope he falls and scrapes his / her skin is so delicate, I have my head kicked in his behavior, he continued to shoot the viscous liquid, and create another fighter?
I mean really, Mortal Kombat? It is almost literally kicked his ass, superstition, the future the war ermac the symbol.
Another lovely detail, Shao Kahn, he is a cheap bastard the Rincon ass kicked so hard, he needed time to join Motaro.
In addition, I do not know if you noticed, but we can give the the Jaxx metal weapons Prize, the most useless weapon? He is almost behind him, returning him to remove them, all the metallic luster, cover your arms, and then, the boy saw what? Fashion sense? Obstacle in the battle? Your own skills to ensure that you choose to provide one of the obstacles in the world, all fighting in the most ridiculous dismembered losers by the end?
Now the second part (link), Shao Kahn is a fatal, final mistake.
He told Asia, he will fail, so as to awaken bad memories, with the school logo, and his heart tight, emergency father dragon.
The movie just throw away the coherence, logic, reason and a clear signal, it becomes a serious struggle against adverse movement animation of the monster, it will make dance arthritis look like a moment of break dance master's grandfather.
Actor's face, no doubt, their true expression, when the director asked to preview scenes in this struggle, the purely mental disorders, to a certain extent to restore the quiet of the movie (battle scenes, is absurd, even if their standard response, but they are too cheap, and it apparently canceled) just lost it, including web sites, the entrance is definitely not 20 seconds after doing Mortal Kombat Hutch "Harry Potter and the Wizard triad.
Last Lukang Shao Kahn was forced to kick ass so hard, he looked completely out of the self (good acting, or hallucinogens is high enough to show Hydra dragon battle scenes, worms, but his studio on the line, ball actor), last nightmare, rather than defeating Shao Kahn, to change the animal's body Jackie Chan, the latch ditch effort to steal your heart, who does not complete nut studio failed.
Or is it?

Next post might take a while.

I'm noticing a dangerous amount of nonsense, badly placed or absent commas, etc. in my postings.

I always try not to half-ass things, so I'll be trying my first hands at doing some editing and proof reading  of my own, perhaps to raise the blog's quality a bit (the barely any views thing being an indication of its quality) and offer a better reading experience to whomever wanders here.

I will of course edit older posts, too, even if for future reader's sake.

Also to note that this is at best amateur, please do not expect a sublime, supreme quality of literature around here, it's not going to happen, but you gotta start from something.

Edit : The random song button has been updated, it is actually a song part of a movie with a scene that will make you shit your pants with laughter.