Possible guilty pleasures for the filthy rich.

Imagine you lived in a world where your every expense is paid, you won't have to worry about money, ever again, 10 generations from now, your great grand grand grand son will still be living a life of extreme luxury.

Now take a moment to think, you will most likely live to a century old (if not more, given how amazingly fast medical science is progressing) and will be somewhat active for a big part of that life, at some moment you will have banged every desirable woman, snorted cocaine out of every porn star's ass and indulged on items (drugs) that any commoner couldn't possibly get their hands on if they saved and sacrificed their whole life for that goal (lots of drugs).

Now, there's a moment in which you will be craving for more, like a junky that needs a decadent luxury fix, or a fat guy who needs his daily chocolate bar, that eccentric, ridiculous and expensive chocolate bar.

1. Meals prepared with endangered species.

Nothing says tasty like meat from an endangered species, you shouldn't look just for any endangered animal however, you may first think of tigers, but tigers have already been done vastly by mister Charlie Sheen and he might become extremely aggressive (towards you) if you dare put your filthy manicured hands on his tiger blood supply, and it is public knowledge cocaine grants the man wizard-like powers.

And the first rule our father taught us while under the influence of some of the most potent hallucinogens known to man is, you never, ever, mess with a wizard, they will fuck your shit up.

No, you need something better, something that has not yet been done and if possible tingles your God complex and liking for ironic punishment.

Thus I present you, the panda bear:

        It looks a bit like a pig, and it is just as delicious.

You will be ironically punishing the shame of the bear family by eating the little babies science has worked so hard convincing those pussified creatures to create, laying science's and panda's efforts to waste with ease, and showing them continuation of biodiversity lies solely in which species your digestive tract does not desire.

Also a little secret, between you and me, extinction is the best dressing.

2. Space Pirating.

What could possibly be better than illegally taking what should be rightfully yours?
Doing it by force of course!

Deep in the vastness of space, a group of mercenaries awaits your command as long as the pay is right, you may live your fantasies of being Captain Jack Sparrow with your crew newly bought ,acquired, hired bloodthirsty mercenaries that will do your bidding.

Of course no tale of pirating is complete without sweet, sweet revenge on those who have wronged you, teach Ted and his bitch of a wife Clara a lesson that only the sharp cold edge of steel can teach, he will instantly regret that time he called you "asshole junkie who has to have shitty music roaring at 4am" and called the cops on you.

3. Hallucinating Colosseum Death match.

After your meal and touring with your newly acquinted friends, you may want to settle for a spectacle worthy of your (and your friends) filthy rich eyes.

Of course I doubt many people are willing to fight to the death in a Colosseum for little to no pay (you didn't get rich by paying for everything), so you will have to get them in the mood with hallucinogen dosages so high they think they've become a time travelling stoner dinosaur.

The only downside to this is that your fighters might get overly baked and just start shouting incoherences and obscenities at you and your prized spectators, but it is not like being near to an angry, under the influence person who carries multiple bludgeoning and slashing weapons is dangerous if they're inside a cage, it's not like they have firearms...

Actually...

Shit, shit shit shit!, they did have firearms, was it your idea Jamal? why the hell would you give them firearms? they're completely baked, one of them was shouting that he never had a cake resist being eaten before while chewing on the face of the other fighter.

Shit! they've gone out of the cage, the whole place is going to be a mess, how am I going to explain this to my wife? I just wanted some luxury on my life, not to transform my ten million mansion into a war zone.

OK, chill, calm down, there has to be a way to fix this, who could possibly want to fight a crazed enraged prisoner of war high on every kind psychoactive plant for almost no pay? after those maniacs ravaged the place in their fighting all we have left is five bottles of cheap liquor.

A bum? you can't be... wait that's genius, they'd do anything for cheap liquor, even risk their life if given enough of it.

4. Train a street bum to cage fight and start an underground betting tournament Ong Bak style.

Yes, definitely, nothing like a partially demented hobo in a cheap-alcohol induced battle trance to fight a completely demented stoner with firearms.

Yes! kick his ass! I will call you Homeless Jaa and we'll film Hobo with a shotgun II : Kung fu edition.

Hold on, why are they talking as if they're best buddies? are you guys seriously gonna share your liquor? what do you mean with "that rich white guy sure looks like he'd give us more if we put two caps in...".

Oh shit, shit.

It would seem your idea backfired, you're on your own here buddy 

Wait you cannot leave me like this? I'm going to be some sort of hobo-hooker that dispenses thunderbird and cheap wine!

Yes, that's why I'm working on my next guide, "Which drinks to dispense to the friendly hobo who has taken you hostage and yells the little guy in the pink ballerina should serve him wine with a sponge massage on the back alley".

 The guy with the pink... oh damn you, I hate you so much.

Disclaimer : This article is written for comedic purposes, please, do not eat a panda.