More forum trolling.

Trolling is a morbid, inconsiderate and deplorable habit, but it has the advantage of giving one of the most primitive satisfactions of human nature. And like all primitive satisfactions, it's addicting by instinctive obligation.

It's the same type of satisfaction you feel when you eat, have sex, kill a fly or intentionally squish an innocent worm, you know you don't have a reason to squish that worm, I mean, poor thing, but you chose to squish it under your shoes because you effectively can.

Without further ado, the thing itself :

His text : Black

My text : Red

WTF its hallowen for god's sake whats wrong with the ***** crafting ???

How the hell i craft a unique Wep if its going to fail ?? huh ?? what luck do i need ? luck of a god for a game ??

I wasted right now TODAY ONLY 280 MIL TO craft 4 times the same ***** uniqe wep and its getting BREAK LIKE NOTHING and giving me trash 1/4 of the money back wtf with the game system ?

If its based on luck then what  if i dont have one ??? i should quit the game ?? or erase the character ? or maybe buy gold from other site ?? are you supporting this ? or u want to farm all the **** weekend to make my money back and lose them over this ??

FIX YOUR ***** GAME not to mention i wasted over 200 $ for ur stupid store which has nothing but soul and gear and chaos stone randomize stats to make it even worse , yes iam OWL bad luck OWL and yes iam mad  <------ a customer is mad losing his time and money for a game he cant have fun with . and for those who gona say iam whining , yeah try to waste 280 m of farming in 1 day for crafting the same item 4 times and see how you gona feel.

EDIT : and its SAID there is a CHANCE to Fail CRAFTING THIS ITEM , PLEASE CHANGE IT TO THERE IS A CHANCE TO CRAFT THIS ITEM <----------------------- !!!! 

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You are right 99% , yes iam whining , surely the crafting is lame , for real , yes it is was my fault trying to get the best item for now and yes iam complaining as many others did , by the way did you check the korean server the craft rate or their event ?

so everything is expansive , you are defending the game cause you love it , i wont argue with that but crafting  to fail its lame , by the way if unique crafting is hard then why perfect is the same ? or do they expect people to wear lvl 51 armour all the way to 57 ? go check witch blade weps in examble , 4 days none was in trader office and people already by passed this , why ? cause crafting fails , okay how about they show us the rate of crafting ?

3% ? if i knew i would try to make 1 every 1 month instead of week , and yes its seems this game is not about being op , cause even the most failed noob can become op with luck by crafting the items , anyway you are right , and little wrong but mostly right .

and about the complaing its general disccusion and iam whining about it so other people can share their opionions on this lame crafting , if i knew that i wouldnt level up my metal crafting to 60 which is was a waste for something cant be achived unless u r lucky lol , so basicaly this game is based on luck than hard work and skill right ?

Back to D3 , and thanks for your time , and well noted.
Good luck in the game.

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>complains about luck based craft system

>goes to play d3

Someone get a boat before the irony drowns us all. 

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> Someone is trying to raise their posts in many threads by saying unnessary things.

either you say something that will get us information or  help by giving advises or ideas or just go and waste your free time somewhere else. 

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Yeah because your whining is absolutely informative.

Unfortunately for you, I can say whatever I please, even if that is making fun of you going rage mode over your own ineptitude and lack of prior research before attempting things.

By the way, since you want information, these are the bonuses of master items.

Armors : 200 elemental resist/part.

Weapons (1h) : CRIT damage, caps at 15%, 30% for 2h.

So you basically wasted 300m over trying to get a minimal bonus, just use perfect gears.

Also Implying I do it for the post count, oh no, I do it because seeing you and many other apes react to it is awfully amusing, also kind of cute, like a puppy clumsily falling down and tumbling its way onto a basket full of clothes.

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ahh child play , never thought i should seek information for the game outside the game , there is a tutorial and guide inside , iam just acting as your mental level by the way , no offense.

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Yeah you're just "acting", do you also tell yourself things like :

-I will start dieting on Monday.

-This is the last burrito I eat.

-I'm not eating spicy Indian food again.

Don't fool yourself, you've just got a bad case of "someone is wrong on the Internet", and want the last word desperately, perhaps you should seek to prove your rightfulness on the subject at hand with proper arguments instead of woefully inaccurate and brutishly disguised ad hominem attacks  to my intelligence.

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Note : He's starting to get mad and got baited fairly easily.

um who said you were intellegnt ? 

you are good at english and a good typer , informative at the game , but does that make you intelegent ? , i can bring someone who is not smart at all and i can let him memorize the game and use what is right and you will then stack him up with intellgent people yet again he is not .

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Excuse me, but I doubt you, a lowly Internet ape who cannot place a coherent argument together, has any word at doubting any of my attributes.

I may not be intelegent enough to speak to Stephen Hawkin about quantum theory and dark energy, but I'm pretty sure I can handle someone whose main argument is "you know stuff but you're not intelligent based on my own biased view on hardly demonstrative factoids that don't make one iota of sense"

Basically, your reply is nothing but a verbose version of "no u no intelegent".

Now if you excuse me, I've given you enough of my time, and as a show of good will, I'll let you have the last word so you can sleep tonight.

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Its seems to me you are mad , do you lack anything ?

The topic was made whining and complaining about the craft system of the unique weps , this thread is heard showing the people that iam very dissapointed at such system , its 1 player opinion , and if you can see at the first page i got a good replies as well as respectiful ones , and i treated them back with respect , about the names you said , i dont know them , but iam sure they are famous as being said by you , yet again No one knows all .

and if you cant speak back to them that mean you already gave up on being with their level and if they are considered as intellgent  you made your self not , you say apes , that was not intellegent at all , because iam human and i talk as human and i feel as human and i talk as human yet apes cant , and Darwin theory has been proved wrong , yes you once again made your self not intellegent . (Note: Excuse me, what?)

" a lowly internet ape who cannot place a coherent argument togheter, has any word at doubting any of my attributes"

lowly is a sign of disrepect , and its seems you dont know how to respect , that would make you non-human and you cant live in social life if you dont know how to respect .

Cannot place argument togather <- maybe because i dont know how to speak english very well and i have bad grammers , but if that will allow you to attack people , then you should go and consult a doctor or learn some edication on how to treat others.

Now if you excuse me, I've given you enough of my time, and as a show of good will, I'll let you have the last word so you can sleep tonight <--  You showed me and the other people how you lack confidence , by being way too much confident , and i wish not to be sleeping well by such words from such so called intellgent man without any proper respect nor edication .
and by any chance if you think i wasted your time , you are wrong , it is you who wasted your own time by repling and typing , so much for calling your self right and intelegnt , does |man is wrong in internet "applies to you now ? yes it does.

Unfortunately for you, I can say whatever I please, even if that is making fun of you going rage mode over your own ineptitude and lack of prior research before attempting things. <-- this is how self belief intellgent people with no edication of proper respect act .
if you want to be recongnized by being intellgent , then prove it to others just like the famous people you talked about how they made themselves intellegnt to the people , easy and simple .

you are lacking things , sure if you tought your self how to achive them , you might be intellgent and popluar on the good side , just like them , but for now its seems to me that you are wana be intellegnt troll , and nothing else , and in this post unlike you i know how to respect even someone like you with such attitude and the lacks of edication : respect <-- as for now from what ive seen unless you lack of many other things , i dont know you to speak about your attributes or treats .

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Quality sportsmanship in Online games.

My first try at a comic, in which I've ripped off took inspiration from Matthew Innman from TheOatmeal.com

Get off of your high horse.

Have you noticed how everyone nowadays is a top of a high horse?

It's the new "making-a-difference"-while-being-an-insufferable-dipshit-about-it trend that everyone is having a collective boner about.

Look at recycling for example, everyone gloats about how they help the ambient by recycling their waste and it makes such a huge impact on everything, as if they're freaking Captain Planet incarnate because instead of just throwing waste they put some of it separated in a different bag to send it off to recycling.

Now, that sounds horribly convenient and easy right? if making such a "big impact" (like those jackasses tell you it does, all while reminding you of how horrible you are for not taking part in their recycling rituals) is so easy, how come we still have any waste troubles at all?

Because it doesn't make jackshit of a difference, that's why.

According to this, and many other sources, household waste is about 11% of the total, and that's for the UK, let's take a look at this quote.

"Year 2002:  (This note is dated, but nothing of substance has changed). Waste management in the U.S. is in a state of anarchy with no effective federal plan in place to maximize recycling and minimize waste. America generates more waste every year, growing from a 247 million tons of non-hazardous waste in 1990, to 409 million tons in 2001, according to Biocycle magazine, an industry publication. Although 32% of municipal waste is reported to be recycled, there are two problems with this picture. One is that the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) estimated in 1988 that municipal waste was only 2% of all waste generated, and secondly, the total amount of waste generated, recycled, or disposed is not truly known because the EPA has not collected or confirmed that data. Failure to so is in violation of federal requirements. " - Source

But hey, for the sake of argument let's put that amount in between of those two, say it's a 7% of it that is generated by households

Then you have the little thing that only a part of that 7% is truly eligible for recycling, for example, sometimes a good amount of that waste cannot be recycled, like with hazardous wastes which most of the time can not be recycled (or your city lacks a facility that can handle it).

So that amounts to about four to five percent of the total waste, congratulations, your effort is barely bigger than an error margin!

If you assholes were so worried about the ambient, you'd spend all the energy you use having tantrums about  mother nature and being on top of your high horse with a dildo shaped mounting chair going after the real producers of waste.

Say, those that produce over twenty (twice that if you consider I doubt mining and others have much recyclable waste) times the amount of waste you do, and also have almost no regulations on their waste because giving a few bills to a few political whores gets them laws that require a ridiculous amount of care for the ambient (read that as ridiculously low, they can blast waste into rivers if they so want to).

But of course, that would require actual thinking!, you cannot afford to have your day interrupted by such things, right? informing yourself about which candidates support ambient friendly legislation takes time and effort, researching a little which laws the congress might be treating that could worsen or better the situation would mean you couldn't spend all your time in an onanist Eco-frenzy, wanking everywhere you go about being an ambient advocate and ejaculating your moral superiority onto other peoples faces.

That reminds me of the morons with their Facebook campaigns (much much worse than the recycling, because at least recycling makes a tiny sliver of a change), where the fuck did you get the idea that changing your profile picture to a cartoon stops child abuse? does a kid beater go on Facebook and upon seeing his friends changed their profile pictures to The Simpsons and Ren&Stimpy thinks "Oh, man I loved Ren&Stimpy, I guess I won't beat the shit out of Timmy today for being such a fucking enraging idiot", my mind boggles trying to understand the train of tought behind this campaign.

I get it, it tries to "raise awareness", raising awareness isn't going to do shit, you saying "I care!" isn't going to do shit, first of all because if you truly cared you would put a real effort behind it, you're all just posing on care-mode because it lets you be morally superior dipshits. It's the new trend of somehow trying to be active in politics while doing the least effort possible, even if your puny effort amounts to absolutely nothing because last I checked, if you want something done you have to work your ass off for it. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, that's why we have idiots all over the place picking easy careers and then whining they get no jobs because they have earned no real skills in the whole four years they spent memorizing a few philosophy catch phrases and getting tanked on Pabst blue ribbon.

Back to the campaign, check that again, that page has almost a hundred thousand fucking likes, there's 100,000 people out there that legitimately think that changing their profile picture to a cartoon makes child abuse suddenly stop.

Everyone wants to ride that moral high horse while being the least inconvenienced by it. It's not possible, step up your game and do something that truly matters.

Possible guilty pleasures for the filthy rich.

Imagine you lived in a world where your every expense is paid, you won't have to worry about money, ever again, 10 generations from now, your great grand grand grand son will still be living a life of extreme luxury.

Now take a moment to think, you will most likely live to a century old (if not more, given how amazingly fast medical science is progressing) and will be somewhat active for a big part of that life, at some moment you will have banged every desirable woman, snorted cocaine out of every porn star's ass and indulged on items (drugs) that any commoner couldn't possibly get their hands on if they saved and sacrificed their whole life for that goal (lots of drugs).

Now, there's a moment in which you will be craving for more, like a junky that needs a decadent luxury fix, or a fat guy who needs his daily chocolate bar, that eccentric, ridiculous and expensive chocolate bar.

1. Meals prepared with endangered species.

Nothing says tasty like meat from an endangered species, you shouldn't look just for any endangered animal however, you may first think of tigers, but tigers have already been done vastly by mister Charlie Sheen and he might become extremely aggressive (towards you) if you dare put your filthy manicured hands on his tiger blood supply, and it is public knowledge cocaine grants the man wizard-like powers.

And the first rule our father taught us while under the influence of some of the most potent hallucinogens known to man is, you never, ever, mess with a wizard, they will fuck your shit up.

No, you need something better, something that has not yet been done and if possible tingles your God complex and liking for ironic punishment.

Thus I present you, the panda bear:

        It looks a bit like a pig, and it is just as delicious.

You will be ironically punishing the shame of the bear family by eating the little babies science has worked so hard convincing those pussified creatures to create, laying science's and panda's efforts to waste with ease, and showing them continuation of biodiversity lies solely in which species your digestive tract does not desire.

Also a little secret, between you and me, extinction is the best dressing.

2. Space Pirating.

What could possibly be better than illegally taking what should be rightfully yours?
Doing it by force of course!

Deep in the vastness of space, a group of mercenaries awaits your command as long as the pay is right, you may live your fantasies of being Captain Jack Sparrow with your crew newly bought ,acquired, hired bloodthirsty mercenaries that will do your bidding.

Of course no tale of pirating is complete without sweet, sweet revenge on those who have wronged you, teach Ted and his bitch of a wife Clara a lesson that only the sharp cold edge of steel can teach, he will instantly regret that time he called you "asshole junkie who has to have shitty music roaring at 4am" and called the cops on you.

3. Hallucinating Colosseum Death match.

After your meal and touring with your newly acquinted friends, you may want to settle for a spectacle worthy of your (and your friends) filthy rich eyes.

Of course I doubt many people are willing to fight to the death in a Colosseum for little to no pay (you didn't get rich by paying for everything), so you will have to get them in the mood with hallucinogen dosages so high they think they've become a time travelling stoner dinosaur.

The only downside to this is that your fighters might get overly baked and just start shouting incoherences and obscenities at you and your prized spectators, but it is not like being near to an angry, under the influence person who carries multiple bludgeoning and slashing weapons is dangerous if they're inside a cage, it's not like they have firearms...

Actually...

Shit, shit shit shit!, they did have firearms, was it your idea Jamal? why the hell would you give them firearms? they're completely baked, one of them was shouting that he never had a cake resist being eaten before while chewing on the face of the other fighter.

Shit! they've gone out of the cage, the whole place is going to be a mess, how am I going to explain this to my wife? I just wanted some luxury on my life, not to transform my ten million mansion into a war zone.

OK, chill, calm down, there has to be a way to fix this, who could possibly want to fight a crazed enraged prisoner of war high on every kind psychoactive plant for almost no pay? after those maniacs ravaged the place in their fighting all we have left is five bottles of cheap liquor.

A bum? you can't be... wait that's genius, they'd do anything for cheap liquor, even risk their life if given enough of it.

4. Train a street bum to cage fight and start an underground betting tournament Ong Bak style.

Yes, definitely, nothing like a partially demented hobo in a cheap-alcohol induced battle trance to fight a completely demented stoner with firearms.

Yes! kick his ass! I will call you Homeless Jaa and we'll film Hobo with a shotgun II : Kung fu edition.

Hold on, why are they talking as if they're best buddies? are you guys seriously gonna share your liquor? what do you mean with "that rich white guy sure looks like he'd give us more if we put two caps in...".

Oh shit, shit.

It would seem your idea backfired, you're on your own here buddy 

Wait you cannot leave me like this? I'm going to be some sort of hobo-hooker that dispenses thunderbird and cheap wine!

Yes, that's why I'm working on my next guide, "Which drinks to dispense to the friendly hobo who has taken you hostage and yells the little guy in the pink ballerina should serve him wine with a sponge massage on the back alley".

 The guy with the pink... oh damn you, I hate you so much.

Disclaimer : This article is written for comedic purposes, please, do not eat a panda.

Picture of the Week : The Last Supper

The only case in which the murderer got eaten by the victims.

Forum Post : Unexpected downtime.

I think everyone who sees this blog (Hi there! I tought you'd never show up, finally a soul here) knows I game a bit.

Maybe a bit too much at times, either that or procrastinate on the computer while I write inane, annoying, silly things.

Also I do not take downtime of my "games" lightly (I quote games because I mainly do MMORPGs, they're like a drug, closest equivalent is probably meth, or bath salts).

Thus I take a stroll on their forums to do what I don't do when I'm gaming or having a life, write.

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Dear Webzen.

Cereal boxes are not the proper way to get servers.

I get there's some sort of recession going on, we're all hit by it more or less and I understand you need to cut corners.

The problem is that either you grossly misunderstand what a corner means, thinking your service is composed entirely of "corners", or you're being dirty cheap.

Instead of wasting ours, and everyone's time having employees whose function is to reply in an alien-esque fashion (only aliens would have such a gross misunderstanding of how a human communicates, your cheeriness is not something people do, unless they're 12 year old girls high on dopamine or ecstasy, I understand most of your alien education comes from holywood movies, but this is not how humans behave), get some better servers, or ISP, or whatever you need for a proper service.

Be sincere with me, are you housing your servers in the nearest ditch to your house/office? did you hire a discount ISP plan? did you get your white hat technicians off a craiglist ad which promised leather clad engineers with sysadmin knowledge?

Please don't let your fetishes get in the way to work, I don't mind if all your employees have a strict dress code of gagballs and crotchless leather pants so long your servers work fine, but they do not.

Also I understand the hilarity of dressing an ape with engineer clothes and letting it run around the office, but having a fancy yellow hat and overall doesn't make him qualified to handle a server, if you will, please have the ape and a real engineer.

Why did you go full release if we're going to have server problems (I'm not sure about European servers, but the US one sure has them) multiple times a week? you cannot even use the "It's a beta!" excuse anymore, were you in a hurry to get some quick bucks with the cash shop?

Yes I know, we have compensation, I honestly rather have the servers functioning correctly than a juicy compensation every time it has a problem.

This is where some people coudn't resist replying in the classy manner that delights us all who waste our precious life on the internet, under the guise of the ferocious asshat.

Original Post by Misaeell (7/22/2012)

Server crashes a couple of times and you have retards complaining over something which will never be perfect.
Go ***** yourself, if you think it's so easy to host the ***** game do it yourself, if you can't do anything to help it then shut the ***** up.

Yes, he actually wrote it all underlined and bolded, he wanted to make his rage clear, my reply as it follows was :

My fellow gaming brother, you sure are angry.

Please do not let the fact you cannot game at this moment cloud your reasoning and reduce you to a blob of frothing red-faced madness that flings excreement and obscenities at anything that moves.

I completely understand your frustration with the matter at hand and earnestly wish it to end myself, however attacking your fellow forum denizens is not the way to vent out your frustrations.

As much as you want to behave like a rabid sack of raccoons, this is not the place for such behaviour, for we are discussing serious matters, I suggest you vent your rage by pillaging your neighboors trash bins while shrieking the following : "SHUG NIGURATH HAS TAKEN ME IN THE EMBRACE OF MADNESS, THE DARKNESS IS COMING TO DEVOUR US, ALL WILL BE FUEL AMIGO, ALL WILL BE FUEL", it is an activity I partake into when I feel anger overcoming and overwhelming me and it is liberating.

There was also this person who tought it would be a good idea to post acronyms and accusing everyone of crying (not realizing the only one whining is himself).

Original Post by Onedaymaybe (7/22/2012)

Cry lol.

Took and wrote all this because of server issue LMAO!

Yes, saying "lol" or a variation of it on every sentence you type sure makes you sound smart and 
educated.

Original Post by Onedaymaybe (7/22/2012)

I have other things to do and do not flip my lid because of this.

And rage because of a malfunction.

But do whatever the *&^% you wanna do.

Yet you're flipping your lid because of a forum post, that is also a joke.

And raging because your sense of humour is malfunctioning, perhaps you should learn to live with the fact that after you witnessed an oompa loompa stripper power-raping a guy with a willy wonka costume you will never be able to laugh again because you're dead inside

Original Post by Onedaymaybe (7/22/2012) 

K i leave you all to keep sniffling and whining.

Good day

"K", buddy, we'll miss your tears about how you don't like other people posting on your

 precious little forums. 

My response :


In any case, you seem to be the one whose response to anything has to be trying to appear tough when in fact you're a broken shell of a man who needs validation from others to justify the awesomeness you feel 
your mediocer self deserves, in fact, you seem to blatantly project your issues on others, which only 
leaves your apparent insecurities exposed for all to see and woe themselves with your dull-headedness.

One day maybe, someone will pay attention to you in a manner that is not to humilliate you and 
marvel in your sheer rampaging lack of wit, one day maybe indeed.

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The servers came back shortly after and no further posting has been made on the thread as 
of the time of posting this, I guess killing another horde of generic monsters beats any sense of 
trying to clumsily communicate for your average RPG player.
Let this be a lesson in how to handle forum posting, flinging shit at everyone and 
using as many memes and lol-speak as possible will only get you the scorn of others.



Edited : For formatting issues with the blog, copy pasting is no good.


Edit Nº2 : As of 26/07/2012 5:46 AM the thread has been deleted from the forums.

Picture of the Week.

Beast Wars - The Movie, soon coming to a farm near you.

Consume.

My lack of proper activities is consuming my willingness to put any sort of creative power into motion, fuck if I know, but I haven't felt like writing anything that isn't a rant.

Then again, this blog is called the ranting ranch, so I might aswell.

But not before I hook you up with the all new, all shining facebook fan page I've created solely for you, my lovelies who never leave a single comment because you absolutely, totally despise my ass and think indifference will finally kill me (it won't).

So, yes, I want you to like it, and if possible, say stuff on it, it's probably something that'll keep me closer to whomever actually reads what I post here, even if it's just one, two, ten, or a million people.

Here be facebook site.

Someone told me google translate was cruise control for funny.

So I translated my Mortal Kombat article into chinese, back into english from the chinese translation, back and forth many times.

The result? Johny cage kills a chicken farmer with sunglasses, it is now discovered schools in asia have emergency dragons for blackouts, and many more gems.

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This is a long-ass title.
A friend of mine told me last week, surprising is the second Mortal Kombat movie in some time.
First of all, let us remember, was almost over, let us know, the Earth is about to begin the exciting soldiers on the battlefield, because there is another big bad evil.

                                      I have a bad case of liver failure, I came to your medication.
Shao fuck "Khan, the most badass, Mortal Kombat, the cheapest boss in the entire franchise (the bash on the shoulder, and killed two, how to break you?)
MK: one is a great, I will let yourself immersed in all of the Photoshop filter effects options.

This is correct, it is one of the need to kill about five minutes of film before the end of the movie's protagonist, Johnny Cage is a lovely, who killed Goro is not only none other, because he broke his neck. The guy wearing the same sunglasses, a pair of expensive bad, he is a chicken farm in a village.

Do you know the movie refers to the serious business when they get rid of the annoying "reason" and "consistency", and began to rape you always cherish your childhood is full of violent video games at the top.
You will see, this is not in the film, the director, to commemorate and recall the only instance, you may have an absolute barrier to engage in Mortal Kombat, but transported to the world is full of black monster, you are precious tears feed Nie, swallow the dearest memories of his own life force.

Also called for the cessation of violence Capoeira explain duel movie, rather than characters, tearing the opponent's internal organs, as shown in the video below.

Another noteworthy mention is that the lightning Barber, for no other reason, because long hair God millions of years ago.
Below zero, than the scorpion, 吕康巴拉卡 and more people a lot, a lot of the film's spectacular battle, the final fight is a sight to see, no other characteristics, because it contains more than struggle.

Pick up the witty banter of the struggle in the first part of this video (click link), encounter each character, you would expect from the 1960s, Jaxx Spider-Man comic, immediately sick the brothers motaro get his ass kicked two tail swipes gang fashion 1930, Ermac is absolutely horrible to play, I do not know how he did his signature move is clearly a "hug my opponent's legs and the final fight, I I hope he falls and scrapes his / her skin is so delicate, I have my head kicked in his behavior, he continued to shoot the viscous liquid, and create another fighter?
I mean really, Mortal Kombat? It is almost literally kicked his ass, superstition, the future the war ermac the symbol.
Another lovely detail, Shao Kahn, he is a cheap bastard the Rincon ass kicked so hard, he needed time to join Motaro.
In addition, I do not know if you noticed, but we can give the the Jaxx metal weapons Prize, the most useless weapon? He is almost behind him, returning him to remove them, all the metallic luster, cover your arms, and then, the boy saw what? Fashion sense? Obstacle in the battle? Your own skills to ensure that you choose to provide one of the obstacles in the world, all fighting in the most ridiculous dismembered losers by the end?
Now the second part (link), Shao Kahn is a fatal, final mistake.
He told Asia, he will fail, so as to awaken bad memories, with the school logo, and his heart tight, emergency father dragon.
The movie just throw away the coherence, logic, reason and a clear signal, it becomes a serious struggle against adverse movement animation of the monster, it will make dance arthritis look like a moment of break dance master's grandfather.
Actor's face, no doubt, their true expression, when the director asked to preview scenes in this struggle, the purely mental disorders, to a certain extent to restore the quiet of the movie (battle scenes, is absurd, even if their standard response, but they are too cheap, and it apparently canceled) just lost it, including web sites, the entrance is definitely not 20 seconds after doing Mortal Kombat Hutch "Harry Potter and the Wizard triad.
Last Lukang Shao Kahn was forced to kick ass so hard, he looked completely out of the self (good acting, or hallucinogens is high enough to show Hydra dragon battle scenes, worms, but his studio on the line, ball actor), last nightmare, rather than defeating Shao Kahn, to change the animal's body Jackie Chan, the latch ditch effort to steal your heart, who does not complete nut studio failed.
Or is it?

Next post might take a while.

I'm noticing a dangerous amount of nonsense, badly placed or absent commas, etc. in my postings.

I always try not to half-ass things, so I'll be trying my first hands at doing some editing and proof reading  of my own, perhaps to raise the blog's quality a bit (the barely any views thing being an indication of its quality) and offer a better reading experience to whomever wanders here.

I will of course edit older posts, too, even if for future reader's sake.

Also to note that this is at best amateur, please do not expect a sublime, supreme quality of literature around here, it's not going to happen, but you gotta start from something.

Edit : The random song button has been updated, it is actually a song part of a movie with a scene that will make you shit your pants with laughter.

This has to be the most awesome thing I have ever seen.

Oh by the way.

Before I forget.

1.

This blog is hilarious, you should read it, all of it : http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/.

I spent the past 3 days doing that, I've never laughed so much in my life.

2.

Random song button - Updated, unfortunately that song was not available at youtube thus I had to upload it myself somewhere else (easier and not-so-nutty about copyright infringement).

Because I only like underground music /Hipster.

Why Mortal Kombat : Annihilation is the best movie ever done in the history of modern cinema.

That's a long ass title right there.

A friend of mine let me know this last week that, surprisingly, at some point in time a second mortal kombat movie had been made.

Let us remember the first one's ending, it ends pretty much with a cliffhanger letting us know that the earth realm's fighters fight is about to begin, because there's another big bad evil out there.

                                      I have a bad case of liver failure, I've come for your medicine.

That is Shao-motherfuckin'-khan, most badass, and ultimately one of the most cheap bosses in the whole mortal kombat franchise(That shoulder bash was unblockable and killed you in 2 hits, how broken is that?).

The start of MK:A is a great one, I will let you bask in all of its special effects straight out of the filter option of photoshop.

That's right, it took this movie about 5 minutes from the ending of the previous movie to kill one of the main characters, none other than the lovable Johnny Cage, the same guy who killed Goro just because he broke an expensive pair of sunglasses got his neck snapped like he was a chicken in a countryside farm.


You know this movie means serious business when they get rid of all that pesky "sanity" and "coherence", and start raping all you have ever hold dear in your childhood filled with over the top violent games.

You will see this is not the only instance in this movie where the director gives absolutely zero fucks about any remembrance and memories you might have about mortal kombat and instead chooses to transport you into a world filled with black monsters who feed upon your precious tears while gnawing, devouring your dearest memories to transform them into their own life force.


The movie also makes an appeal to stop violence by having interpretative capoeira duels instead of characters ripping the opponents innards off, as shown in the following video.

Another notable mention is that Raiden got a haircut, for no other reason than because having long hair went out of style with the elder gods 3 eons ago.

Aside the many, many spectacular fights in this movie, featuring no other ones than sub-zero versus scorpion, lui-kang against baraka and many more, the final fight is one sight to see, because it includes a multiple-way fight.


In the first part of this video(Click there for link) we are met with each character picking their fight with the witty banter you'd expect from a spiderman comic in the 60's, Jaxx, who had to immediately trash talk the brother of motaro who is into 1930's gang fashion gets his ass kicked with two mere tail swipes, Ermac is absolutely terrible at fighting, I don't even know how he made it into the final battle being that his signature move apparently is "hugging my opponent's legs and hoping he falls and scratches his/her delicate skin while I get my head kicked in", after his move he proceeds to... shoot viscous liquid out of himself and create another fighter?...

I mean really, mortal kombat? that's pretty much symbolism for ermac having a fetish for getting his ass kicked and literally coming mid-fight.

Another lovely detail is that Shao Kahn, being the cheap bastard he is, is kicking Lui Kang's ass so hard he takes time to cheer Motaro.

Also I don't know if any of you noticed, but can we give Jaxx's metal arms the prize for most useless weapon ever? he was pretty much getting his behind handed back to him prior to removing them, what's the point of having all that shiny metal covering your arms then, fancy boy? fashion sense? giving a handicap in your fights? are you so sure of your own skill that you choose to give a handicap in a world where all fights end up with the loser being dismembered in the most grotesquely hilarious way?

Now onto part two (click here for link), Shao Kahn makes a fatal, ultimate mistake.

He tells an Asian he will fail, thus awakening bad memories of tight, exigent fathers with school marks and thus his inner dragon self.

This is also the moment where this movie just throws away any sign of coherence, logic, sanity and sobriety and it turns into a full fledged shitty animated monster fight with movement so bad it would make a dancing arthritic grandpa seem like a break dance master.

The faces of the actors no doubt are their real expression when the director asked them to react to the sheer lunacy presented in the preview scene to this fight, however at some point this movie regains composure (that fight scene was ridiculous even by their standards, but they were too cheap to scrap it apparently) just to lose it 20 seconds after including the entrance of a triad of wizards into the scene that have absolutely nothing to do with mortal kombat and more to do with harry potter.

Finally lui kang is forced to kick Shao Kahn's ass so hard he looks completely out of self (good acting or the actor showed up completely high on hallucinogens and was shown the hydra-worm versus dragon fight scene just to make him start tripping balls right in the studio) and at last, the nightmare is over, not before the now defeated corpse of shao kahn's actor morphs into a dragon-beast and has his latch ditch effort to steal your mind thwarted by whoever wasn't a complete nut in the studio.

Or was it?

Been busy...

Totally not wasting all my day playing skyrim.

Even less likely that I have been spending 6 dialy hours shoting cheese wheels out of a tower.

I mean it.

Random song button updated.

Random song button updated, go check it out!.

Not metal this time, I promise, it is pretty pretty music.

Who'd have known.

Apparently having enough muscular pain not to be able to walk normally doesn't put you in a very good mood to write.

All I want to do at the moment is lie down and whine about how much it hurts.

Maybe I should do an update onto why starting the gym after months of absence sucks balls, or why gyms suck in general (I'm looking at you, people showing their asses to everyone while you moan on leg-building machines).

Or the overpriced drinks at the entrance, none of which you should consume due to being very caloric (they're just a few steps short of selling coke there), all of which look like the most precious of elixirs after you've ran on a treadmill for 40 minutes.

They're also priced as if they're truly precious elixirs, $10 for a tiny bottle of juice.

I could go on, and I probably will tomorrow (Editor's note : Haha you won't) because honestly the past days I've been very, very in the mood for ranting about how much those places suck, no detail shall be spared.

I was mistaken about trying to bring themed updates, I should go with the flow, it's easier, those paragraphs just wrote themselves.

I'm hoping those mini-updates are something you like though, I mean it's not like anybody reads this, pretty sure 90% of my page views are from the google and yahoo bots, and I doubt it is because they find me hysterical.

Though who knows, maybe they're slowly gaining sentience and will probably base their humorous AI on this blog, once the robot uprising is here anyone whose sense of humor doesn't correspond with the sheer lameness of this blog shall be eaten or made into batteries for the great mechanic overlords.

The future does look very bleak now, does it?

Booyah

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday, ended up going to sleep at 8 PM because I'm a huge wuss.

Also I was tired, very very tired, probably due to a not-very-light dinner.

May a simpsons gif atone for my sins while I prepare today's post?

Also, Random song button's song has been changed!.

Not sure if better...

Tried changing the blog layout to something simpler... not sure if like.

What are your opinions on it?

Yes... yes....

The daily page views are getting dangerously close to 10, I am pleased.

On other news, I started gym today, let me say that everything people say about feeling "renewed" is utter bullshit, I feel like I have a mad magical elf stabbing all my joints whenever I move.

                                                            It's not this kind of elf.

Good side : I have an excuse not to go tomorrow!

Also I will from now on swear to try to keep a weekly update schedule, you already know enough of me to know I am terrible with schedules, but your pessimism is only but good for me.

If I fail to keep the schedule, you will not be surprised, you expected it you asshole.

If I do in fact keep the schedule up, you will be greatly surprised and will renounce whatever god you believe in and pray to me from now on.

I do have an excuse however, I been listening to Type O Negative all day for the past 3 days, so I might just go use some train rails as a pillow.

Also a little spoiler on tomorrow's (or if my joint pain does not allow me to, Wednesday's) update, I will just give you one image.

See you tomorrow! (or not!)

Deleted material from gaming forums.

Apparently companies don't like it when you make satires of their terrible, terrible service.

Also readily apparent by the replies I got for this, the common online game forum denizen has the brain capability of a fruit fly, because they have never heard of the word satire before.

This is an entry from an MMORPG forum (yes I play those).

Also the post has been edited to perhaps achieve greater neutrality, I edited very specific game-related terms so anyone who's familiar with MMORPGs can understand it, as opposed to just the people from this particular game.

---

I choose to make this public for obvious reasons.

Hello my dear future employers, I have come to notice your forums are in much turmoil and despair, flooded with (justificable) complaints and bickering. Fighting and bitterness amongst the playerbase runs rampant, and in the future, this bitterness can turn against YOU, the company behind those forums.

What I offer, nay, FORCE into you is a package of ultimate badassery into the realm of forum moderation and cleanliness, your forums will sport a sparkling and overall prettier player base, a player base so clean and tame it would make your best cleaning products and tazers bow their head in shame and quit trying.

I offer swift closure of any thread with complaints about the economic state of the game, I share the same view as you into this point, A vast utopia of rampant hyperinflationary madness and overpricing insanity in which free players, already addicted and sucked into the game by the first levels of care-bear mode are forced, deceived into spending their savings into the game.

I also will, given you pay the DELUXE PACKAGE, wrestle anyone foolish enough to re-open a thread asking for clarification, should they continue, I will use my 16 years of judo training (I sport a shiny, awesome, badass 3rd dan) to make them feel joint pains beyond the realms of advanced stage arthritis.

I will also funnel any PVP related disputes that are taking place into the forums, because of my quasi-omniscient mind prowess I am fully aware that you leave those threads open to sprout and bear black rotten fruits of hate and jealousy, this is due to that bitterness towards a player will make you try to best them, and what better way to best them than charging $2000 worth of cash shop items,upgrading your gears to a ridiculous enchantment level and one-shoting that loudmouth so hard his character gets deleted and his computer explodes to save him from further damage?, I am also proud owner of an insurance company so we could charge computer insurance in this case, everyone wins.

I will deliver swift retribution to any disbeliever, doubters, or merely nay sayers that pululate these forums constantly complaining about how bugs do not get fixed, my omniscient powers tell me there is a big money scheme behind this, especially this particular inter-server PVP map which has been "broken" for 11 months, I know how maniatically evil corporate plans for leeching the life force and money of clients can take long to bear fruit, and I will accompany this process with the appropiate censo... I mean moderation and care.

Note : Retribution shall be dealt in the form of Magic plane attacks, I'm a certified astral traveler and I can attack anyone you so wish to in their dreams, where are they are defenseless, I will also incept ideas into their mind (like a gambling compulsion for 50 cent lottos), much like the movie but with less whining about dead wives.

And finally, I offer you this for the mere sum of 700 dollars worth of cash shop currency monthly into my account.

Looking foward to hear from you soon, my mind-reading and future reading powers tell me you will hire me so I shall start my task immediatly.

---

Let's see you delete this one, punks.

Also their forums pageviews must be so poor even this blog may have more, let us see how long before they go ballistic.

Finally, if you so wish to use and edit this bit of text on whatever forum you want to, feel free, just remember to link to the source, i.e. this blog.

Hilarious bootleg (or not) toys.

Hey, double entry today because of my unexplained month and a half hiatus in which I left you guys without terrible, terrible reading material.

Okay it might have been more than a month and a half and it might have just been that I'm lazy and generally terrible at getting my shit togheter, I cannot really make excuses with you, can I?

Oh don't be like that, I'm pretty sure you still love me, deep, deep inside.

Like oil-rig deep.

Anyway, I'm postive most of us have more than once flingled ourselves into obscure cheap-goods places in search of toys, out of necessity or because of the need to make a screaming toddler shut up.

Well except those of you driving ferraris, even tough this recession is hitting everyone and I'm good friends with your your maid who said you no longer wipe your ass with gold coated paper and have gone for silver one instead.

So, in case you're starting to save every stack of hundred dollar bills for that sweet russian nuclear submarine and can't spare cash for your spoiled kid's toys, or you're just a fan of hilarious and sometimes borderline-copyright-infringing toys, this is the guide for you!.

Note : This is in no way an attempt to rip off Cracked's articles on these... articles (well maybe a bit), for that reason text and images used here will NOT BE ones that have appeared in cracked (at least that I know of, unfortunately I have not yet memorized every single article there and I might have uploaded a toy they have aswell)

I am pretty sure this one gets the prize to redundant toys, because if there's something the flash needs is going even faster.

The worst part about this toy is that I'm not even sure if it is a bootleg one or it is an official DC endorsed toy (Notice the correct names such as "The flash" instead of "Crimson running man"), and I'm not sure which option is funnier.

Nothing screams "you're fucked" to a villain like superman riding at full speed on a red velociraptor.

Wait, is that box on the back of the raptor a pizza delivery box?

It looks like Supes had to take a second job, the dialy planet money is not enough to maintain a fortress in the arctic.

Also notice how Superman is NOT Supes but "The thing", or perhaps The Thing has gained a transmorphing ability and now looks like Superman.

I'm pretty sure that last part must be in a comic, after all in an universe where cosmic rays give you super powers instead of cancer anything is possible.

This must is racist on at least 20 different levels.

Also like entry number one, notice the lack of surrogate names, which would make this doll possibly a legit barbie product.

Most people say that whenever we have contact with alien life forms, they will be unlike anything we have ever imagined because our puny minds cannot comprehend the vast expanse of the universe

The "Space visitor" is proof of this, or that this toy was manufactured by aliens.

Aaaaaaand you're now forever scared out of watching pokemon again, ever.

The most over the top metal song ever.

Before you ask, no, it is not Manowar.

Altough Manowar have developed into some sort of fractal cliche band into which each cliche contains and justifies more cliches which in turn contain some more.

Even if every Manowar song is a random mash of the words : Fight; Metal; Gods; Steel; Warriors. This is not about Manowar, a band who I personally love just because I have some sort of hipster sense of loveable cornyness for my music.

No, this is about Burzum.

Just some background, these guys are from Norway, as you (might not) know all bands originating from either Norway or Sweden are three types of bands :

1. Metal
2. Over the top metal.
3. Extremely ridiculous over the top metal.

If there's something black metal is (one of the many subgenres between metal), it's hardcore and grim, these guys are so grim they make edward scissor hands look like the happiest man alive, they're such degrees of evil-badass that the only moment they stop burning churches is to eat wolves beaten with their own hands while sacrificing them unto whatever pagan deity they believe in because they're 27 forms of badass.

                                                Pictured : Grim unhappy people. REM cover.

Or at least that's what they would want you to believe, and they would have suceeded, if not for this :
                                       
We start off to some very, very grim guitars, likely to be found on this genre because black metal is serious goddamn bussiness and these guys will show you how serious it is by letting you bask into the grim cold murderous atmosphere that the guitars will provide this piece of "art".

That is until you notice the "singing" into this particular piece.

At first I coudn't help but notice it, it's so grim and dark, a guy screaming in agony, a guy screaming...

Like he just caught his testicles with the door frame.

It only gets worse from here, at first you can hear him yell like he feels a bit of pain and is kind of unaware of what's happening, much like when you cut yourself while slicing something into julianne strips, it goes almost unnoticed but you know something's amiss.

Then our friend, Lord Darkness Ballcrush starts shouting filled with anger, an anger at the gods, whom he promply curses for letting this pain take over him, this pain that fills his soul with rage and lunacy, he lets the madness slowly fill him as the repetitive snare and minor chords only but augment his wishes of doom upon everything.

Slowly but surely his primal rage surges, here represented by the drums at nearly the middle of the song, as they're beaten in a monotonous rhymth that prides itself into surrounding Lord Dark Testicular Pain with sheer murderous madness.

Finally our "hero" realizes he is impotent against this ruse of the gods, filled with a primal rage unbeknownst to men or beast alike, he has entered a berserker rage and ripped his testes off while trying escape this trap.

The tune slowly fades into just a guitar signifying the agony of Lord Grim Sack-ripper and his demise at the hands of the door's edge.

Oh, if only we had praised the unholy ones enough to afford a pair of slips.

                                                                 Also available in BLACK.

This song teaches you a lesson, never, ever skip wearing undies.

See these black metal guys aren't all that bad, beyond their burning churches and all that they have a message, a message of SAFETY.

Next on ridiculous Metal songs : The tale of the zipper and the bird.