Deleted material from gaming forums.

Apparently companies don't like it when you make satires of their terrible, terrible service.

Also readily apparent by the replies I got for this, the common online game forum denizen has the brain capability of a fruit fly, because they have never heard of the word satire before.

This is an entry from an MMORPG forum (yes I play those).

Also the post has been edited to perhaps achieve greater neutrality, I edited very specific game-related terms so anyone who's familiar with MMORPGs can understand it, as opposed to just the people from this particular game.

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I choose to make this public for obvious reasons.

Hello my dear future employers, I have come to notice your forums are in much turmoil and despair, flooded with (justificable) complaints and bickering. Fighting and bitterness amongst the playerbase runs rampant, and in the future, this bitterness can turn against YOU, the company behind those forums.

What I offer, nay, FORCE into you is a package of ultimate badassery into the realm of forum moderation and cleanliness, your forums will sport a sparkling and overall prettier player base, a player base so clean and tame it would make your best cleaning products and tazers bow their head in shame and quit trying.

I offer swift closure of any thread with complaints about the economic state of the game, I share the same view as you into this point, A vast utopia of rampant hyperinflationary madness and overpricing insanity in which free players, already addicted and sucked into the game by the first levels of care-bear mode are forced, deceived into spending their savings into the game.

I also will, given you pay the DELUXE PACKAGE, wrestle anyone foolish enough to re-open a thread asking for clarification, should they continue, I will use my 16 years of judo training (I sport a shiny, awesome, badass 3rd dan) to make them feel joint pains beyond the realms of advanced stage arthritis.

I will also funnel any PVP related disputes that are taking place into the forums, because of my quasi-omniscient mind prowess I am fully aware that you leave those threads open to sprout and bear black rotten fruits of hate and jealousy, this is due to that bitterness towards a player will make you try to best them, and what better way to best them than charging $2000 worth of cash shop items,upgrading your gears to a ridiculous enchantment level and one-shoting that loudmouth so hard his character gets deleted and his computer explodes to save him from further damage?, I am also proud owner of an insurance company so we could charge computer insurance in this case, everyone wins.

I will deliver swift retribution to any disbeliever, doubters, or merely nay sayers that pululate these forums constantly complaining about how bugs do not get fixed, my omniscient powers tell me there is a big money scheme behind this, especially this particular inter-server PVP map which has been "broken" for 11 months, I know how maniatically evil corporate plans for leeching the life force and money of clients can take long to bear fruit, and I will accompany this process with the appropiate censo... I mean moderation and care.

Note : Retribution shall be dealt in the form of Magic plane attacks, I'm a certified astral traveler and I can attack anyone you so wish to in their dreams, where are they are defenseless, I will also incept ideas into their mind (like a gambling compulsion for 50 cent lottos), much like the movie but with less whining about dead wives.

And finally, I offer you this for the mere sum of 700 dollars worth of cash shop currency monthly into my account.

Looking foward to hear from you soon, my mind-reading and future reading powers tell me you will hire me so I shall start my task immediatly.

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Let's see you delete this one, punks.

Also their forums pageviews must be so poor even this blog may have more, let us see how long before they go ballistic.

Finally, if you so wish to use and edit this bit of text on whatever forum you want to, feel free, just remember to link to the source, i.e. this blog.