Altough Manowar have developed into some sort of fractal cliche band into which each cliche contains and justifies more cliches which in turn contain some more.
Even if every Manowar song is a random mash of the words : Fight; Metal; Gods; Steel; Warriors. This is not about Manowar, a band who I personally love just because I have some sort of hipster sense of loveable cornyness for my music.
No, this is about Burzum.
Just some background, these guys are from Norway, as you (might not) know all bands originating from either Norway or Sweden are three types of bands :
1. Metal
2. Over the top metal.
3. Extremely ridiculous over the top metal.
If there's something black metal is (one of the many subgenres between metal), it's hardcore and grim, these guys are so grim they make edward scissor hands look like the happiest man alive, they're such degrees of evil-badass that the only moment they stop burning churches is to eat wolves beaten with their own hands while sacrificing them unto whatever pagan deity they believe in because they're 27 forms of badass.
Or at least that's what they would want you to believe, and they would have suceeded, if not for this :
We start off to some very, very grim guitars, likely to be found on this genre because black metal is serious goddamn bussiness and these guys will show you how serious it is by letting you bask into the grim cold murderous atmosphere that the guitars will provide this piece of "art".
That is until you notice the "singing" into this particular piece.
At first I coudn't help but notice it, it's so grim and dark, a guy screaming in agony, a guy screaming...
Like he just caught his testicles with the door frame.
It only gets worse from here, at first you can hear him yell like he feels a bit of pain and is kind of unaware of what's happening, much like when you cut yourself while slicing something into julianne strips, it goes almost unnoticed but you know something's amiss.
Then our friend, Lord Darkness Ballcrush starts shouting filled with anger, an anger at the gods, whom he promply curses for letting this pain take over him, this pain that fills his soul with rage and lunacy, he lets the madness slowly fill him as the repetitive snare and minor chords only but augment his wishes of doom upon everything.
Slowly but surely his primal rage surges, here represented by the drums at nearly the middle of the song, as they're beaten in a monotonous rhymth that prides itself into surrounding Lord Dark Testicular Pain with sheer murderous madness.
Finally our "hero" realizes he is impotent against this ruse of the gods, filled with a primal rage unbeknownst to men or beast alike, he has entered a berserker rage and ripped his testes off while trying escape this trap.
The tune slowly fades into just a guitar signifying the agony of Lord Grim Sack-ripper and his demise at the hands of the door's edge.
Oh, if only we had praised the unholy ones enough to afford a pair of slips.
This song teaches you a lesson, never, ever skip wearing undies.
See these black metal guys aren't all that bad, beyond their burning churches and all that they have a message, a message of SAFETY.
Next on ridiculous Metal songs : The tale of the zipper and the bird.
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